I want to start this newsletter with a rather profound much needed grief towards racism issues everywhere.
George Floyd, an black everyday man, was unjustly treated by a policeman on duty.
In lieu of all these happenings, it's no wonder that this week has been a sad one for me.
In many parts of America, protests are being made for the justice of George Floyd after his death as a result of police brutality.
I am not able to participate in this as I'm cooped away in a tiny part of my apartment, far away in another continent, watching the broadcasts, but I cannot but hope that this all comes to an end soon.
Also in my home country, there have been many saddening cases of rape and while this churns me in unpleasant ways, I can't help but wonder how many other cases go on unreported.
Rape cannot be justified under any emblem.
It's unjust and ugly and even while I write and hope I could do more, I hope the perpetrators are brought to book.
Here's sending lots of love and light to victims who are too scared to speak up and are still reeling from the scars.
You'll be fine.
Stay strong!
I always have a lot of expectations for myself when I find myself with topics like these.
Intimacy!
Without further ado, let's dive in.
Applause is a quick fix,
Love an acquired taste
-Donald Miller♣
Stage lights check
Mic check
Dress check
On the stage of our lives is a sea of eyes.
Dread the shape of sweat drops, falls from his head.
Terrified, he steps forward to deliver his lines.
Rusty and unrehearsed at first, it comes out in rumples
He tries again
Then some more
And before he knows it
He gains mastery
The next time-
Bold
He steps on stage
Electrified, his audience listens
He captures them in tales after tales
Rapt, they sip his lies
Careful penned down
Masterfully crafted
It's all there is to him now
Lights
Applause
Rancour
And yet
There, standing, beaten and alone he sighs
Wondering how much of the drums he can take
Exhausted he pleads for a curtain call
Encore, they scream
His audience won't have it
They're ecstatic
They're enjoying the show
But he's not
Is he willing to go on, he wonders
Just how much can he take?
The Flip Side of Performing
Most of us go through life without having many moments of honesty.
Performing, we try to match up to the lives we’ve made for ourselves.
Our lives are raised platforms of entertainment and laughter.
Yet, deep down we know we're lacking something vital.
We attend the best parties.
We host the grandest events but our lives like jigsaw pieces are all over the room.
Well knitted, corseted, we move in the expected fashion of our environment.
Donning our lies, we walk, shoulders high.
A few years ago, I asked myself why performers are the least happy people.
Especially comics.
The reason is simple: Performing is exhausting and it comes with it luggage of expectations.
A serious problem in most relationships is a lack of identity.
Especially for a life full of performance.
And I’ve discovered that it doesn’t usually take long before one becomes what he pretends to be.
The Intimacy Debacle
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Performers have a serious problem when it comes to relationships.
Living in a cabin of false identities and humongous expectations, they try to match up to the expectations of their partners.
The truth is most of us fret about intimate moments because we feel that we do not have the bandwidth to carry it especially in relationships.
I'm not a spring chicken anymore and this past few weeks, I've seriously been thinking of my future and a life partner.
In relationships, intimacy is key and if you start your relationship off on a note of pretense, (especially in a relationship you want to see go far), you'll see your efforts fall down like a park of cards.
Keeping up with an idea of who we are or hope to be and forgetting who we really are is a bad idea.
This is because we all come to that point in our relationships where our secrets are revealed.
No matter how hard we try to hide them.
I call this the Big Reveal.
Here you are suddenly at a cross roads: should I go on with this relationship or should I sail out now, before it's too late?
You'd realize that it’s usually easier at the begining moments, at the opening scenes, before the cast calls, to be very honest about who you are.
Secrets are dirty threads that lead to unwanted places
And they have a special knack for ruining relationships.
Intimacy is built over time
A few days back, my very good friend told me,(that as a matter of necessity), she believed that her fiance was supposed to call and check in on her everyday.
Is this a right stake to hook your relationship?
Probably not.
But is constant communication important to pursue in a relationship?
Yes. It is.
Personally, I'd rather have a call or three intimate calls a week than be buzzed by calls everyday.
I think it's the thought and what you discuss in those moments that really matters.
I'm a texting guy!
Instead of calls, I'd much prefer to text to express my feelings unhindered.
I usually do this with simple poems.
Sent at intervals during the day.
But hey, not everyone's into poetry. Or texting like yours truly for that matter.
I don't believe in many calls like my friend does but I believe that communication plays a vital role to sustain any relationship.
Intimacy will stop you from performing
You ever get that feeling when a girl looks at you and gives you that I know what you're thinking look from across the table?
This is a sign of intimacy.
When much words are not needed to communicate, true intimacy is achieved.
However, performance seems to be the foundation for most relationships now a days.
It's not the number of dates. Or hangouts that determines closeness.
It's what is discussed in those precious moments that counts.
Nuggets to Nosh
Are you an entertainer more pleased with pleasing people than fulfilling your own purpose?
Have you danced for too long that your legs have gotten used to the rhythms and strings?
Maybe it's time to give your dancing boots a break and ask yourself why you need to perform so much.
Just in case you didn't know I'm a crazy fan of Donald Miller.
Some insight in this letter were gotten from his very powerful book, Scary Close, where he shares some very insightful ways he overcame his zeal to perform which lead him to enjoy a wonderful relationship with his wife Betsy.
This was my take from Chapter One of his book- The Distracting Noise of Insecurity.
Stay tuned if you liked this.
More awespiring content like this one is coming your way.
Much is yet to be unveiled.
Questions 👾
-Where would you be when you're not on stage?
-Who knows the off stage you?
Key Points👾
-You can only hide in the backstage for so long
-Perform less, be myself more and overcome a complicated form of being known.
It takes a lot to bring this newsletter to you so if you enjoyed it please share with your friends.
Yours intimately,
Sedo.
Beautiful write-up... Keep bring amazing
Beautiful write-up... Keep bring amazing